Since I am well into motherhood, being that Owen is 15 weeks old I was thinking about how things have changed. First off, I kinda feel like I dont get to talk to friends and family as much as I did or want to but I think most people understand.
I have never had so many questions in my life! How do you know you're doing well, besides the fact that your baby is alive! Does everyone go through this? Why does my kid not sleep as well as that kid? Do I let him cry it out? How do I teach him to self soothe without making him cry? Will he just learn that as he gets older?
How do I make time for myself? How do I make time for my busy husband? Is sleep more important that some time with Bryan? I guess the biggest thing I am trying to learn is BALANCE!
Since I'm taking this class for 3 weeks in July I have been pretty good at pumping because I am bound and determined not to have to suppliment with formula if I can help it. I have to say I am pretty nervous about being away from Owen for 8 hours a day for that time. I know it seems weird since most mom's at this point have already gone back to work but since I'm with him 24 hours a day I think it's going to be tough on both of us. I just have to keep telling myself that this three weeks will help allow me to not have to put him in daycare ever. But it's still hard. Luckily, I have my parents, sister and Carrie helping me out so I dont have to leave him with someone I dont know. I just have to come up with someone for the last three days and we are set.
I have to say I don't think I've ever loved someone/something so quickly so much in my life. The rough nights are followed by a happy, smiley and giggling boy- I think it's his way of making it up to me! We are still working out the kinks with sleeping. Some nights are great and some not so much but we're working on it together and hopefully sleep with triumph!
I have to say that there are a lot of times I get sad that I'm not in the cities. On rough days/nights it would be nice to take a break at my parents' or a friends. Or have more people to have a "playdate" with during the days. I have met a couple people here but no one I have really connected with as much as my friends, but more people are coming with the new crew of residents so I hope to make some new friends. It's really a lot harder the older you get!!!
But I have to say I feel lucky. My baby is healthy and happy. I am able to stay home with him which I am thankful of every single day (even the tough ones). I have a wonderful, helpful husband who encourages me to pump and get out of the house when he is around. My parents and my sister spoil Owen with love and stuff (especially my mom) and he loves them very much!
I count my blessings every day and understand it's not always this easy.
Thank you everyone for the support, Mommy advice, delayed returning of phone calls and thoughts! They are appreciated!
3 comments:
Love ya babe! wish we were closer too! Sleep will come and when it does you'll wonder how it happened because one day he'll just sleep. Hang in there with those tough days, they can be overwhelming at times, every mom has 'em. I swear a bubble bath with a wine cooler does the trick! Would love to plan a trip in late August/Sept, gotta check out that baby store you worked at, Annie wore the squeak out of her shoes she wore them so much!!! I can't wait to see what new treasure I'll find. In the meantime, ENJOY your class as everyone else is going to love watching Owen while you're gone. Drive slow and enjoy the car ride alone and listen to "naughty-ish" music (ya know the kind you shouldn't listen to when the kids in the car) and savor your "me" time. You deserve it and it will be fun for Owen to train someone new in on his routine and what not!!
Those first few days are tough being away and everyone will say he's fine and you'll get used to it. Never get used to it. You are definately doing all the right things in parenting. I think if you are self reflecting at all, you are trying much harder than millions of parents and you are doing wonderful. If you pour energy anywhere (besides your new class), I would pour it into trying to get him to sleep. We continue to be rewarded by teaching Adelyn to sleep. Kade we continue to struggle with just like we did for the first year. Remember that you are the best mother for your child and that everyday you strive to do what is best for him. Such a lucky boy.
Even though you're 15 weeks into parenthood, don't put pressure on yourself to balance, yet. It can take a long time and anxiety doesn't help things. I know that I put that pressure on myself as well...to keep up with the housework, get back into business stuff, reconnect with people, exercise...and all of a sudden your baby is 6 months old! Just enjoy the time and let people come to you at this point.
I totally get the alone part as well, and it definately makes you appreciate your family when they are there. Having this blog is a big help to connect as well as maybe a local ECFE class or playdate group...though it might be awkward at first.
I think moms that go back to work feel the same anxiety if not more about finding balance. Just please don't feel like you're alone in this struggle, as I think everyone feels it in one way or another. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm an email away!
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