Counting my stars

I haven't updated in a while, we have a new computer since the laptop crapped out so I'm still trying to figure out how to do pictures and things on this new one.

I needed to blog a little after a rough night. So as some of you know, a good friend of Bryan's had a baby boy, Amos about three weeks ago. He was born with a congenital disorder and has been on machines since he was born. On Saturday his parents made the difficult decision to take him off the machines. They were able to hold him while he took his last breath. We attended the wake last night. It was horrible. I knew that they were having an open casket but I didn't expect it to effect me as much as it did. I also knew that it was going to be difficult and sad beyond belief, but walking in and seeing a bassinet instead of a adult sized casket was almost too much to handle. The pictures were beautiful and they had a slide show that was done by a group called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" its made up of photographers who volunteer to take pictures for parents of babies and are very sick.

Grandparents talked about songs they sang to him, holding him, watching the parents take care of their little one and it was heartbreaking. Josh, the dad, talked about what a wonderful wife he has and amazing Mommy. HE WAS AMAZING- if you have to go through this, that is the kind of husband you want. Attentive to her needs, being supportive and telling her things she needs to hear.

I dont know how you recover from that, ever. I came back to my parents while Noelle and Rian were watching Owen and I squeezed him so tight. I just dont understand why this happens? It's life, its sucky, it's unfair... all I can do is remember little Amos looking very peaceful in his bassinet with his little blankets and remember how lucky I am to have a healthy child.

After hugging Josh and Jess we walked up to the bassinet, it took everything in me to keep it together, I just wanted to pick him up and hold him. He looked like a little doll. He was beautiful.

Okay- I have to stop crying on our new computer. I just always want to remind people when things like this happen that life is short, there are so many meaningless things we get upset about, it's pointless. Since we found out about Amos, there has not been a day I take my baby for granted. I dont mind getting up in the middle of the night because I feel blessed I am needed to do that.

Please remember little Amos in your thoughts and prayers and when your children are giving you a rough day, be thankful they are there.

Love to you all!

Owen's 6 month pictures

Here is the link to Owen's 6 month pictures. I was happy we were able to get a couple good family ones as well!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nikkiborchardtphotography/sets/72157622322798612/